Nurse who battled drugs addiction tells her story in a new film to raise awareness
MICHELLE Mckay used drugs every evening before starting nursing shifts and says addiction can hit anyone.
EVERY evening before she started her nursing shift, Michelle Mckay locked herself in the bathroom and injected heroin into her groin.
For a while at least, she was the epitome of a functioning addict – until drugsrobbed her of everything.
It is hard to believe that this capable, successful woman was once an addict. But then what does a “junkie” look like?
Michelle said: “Addiction is
indiscriminate, it can hit anyone from any background.”
She is one of a number of former addicts who appear in a short film that smashes the stereotypes of dependency and carries the message that recovery is possible.
The film, made by Media Co-Op, has been commissioned by Favor,
an addiction charity who promote recovery.
Nine in 10 addicts hold down a
job and the film features a variety
of people, from students to civil
servants, who have escaped
addiction.
Michelle has been clean for eight years and she has recently completed a masters degree. It’s an incredible feat for a woman who once injected heroin 20 times a day and was so low that she slept in a bin shed.
The 43-year-old was born into the council estate of Cranhill, Glasgow. Her parents fought their way out of poverty and, after her father attended nightschool, he carved a career in
the oil industry, providing his
family with a comfortable life in Clackmannanshire.
Unknown to her parents, the young Michelle was subjected to years of physical and mental abuse by an older girl. The trauma drove her, aged 12, into the arms of
a boyfriend who introduced her
to party drugs, including ecstasy and speed.
At 16, she got pregnant. She settled into life raising her daughter but couldn’t satisfy a hunger for the next thrill.
Michelle believes she was predisposed to addiction, that her obsessive and compulsive personality and need for escapism were at the root of
her issues.
At 19, she smoked heroin, thinking it was a joint.
She said: “I really liked it. I thought, ‘Where has this been all my life?’”
Michelle qualified as a nurse when she was 21. When she was 22, she tried heroin again, this time injecting it into her arm.
A year later, she married and built a facade of the perfect family life.
She only took heroin intermittently.
Michelle said: “I always looked down my nose at ‘junkies’. I was scared I would become one of them but I also loved drugs.”
Every few months, she would tell her husband she was going on a spa weekend. Instead, she hid out in a drug den and greadily consumed heroin and crack cocaine.
Michelle added: “I was a chameleon.
“To the average Joe Bloggs, I was the nurse and family woman with the nice house and the white picket fence. To others, I was the woman shooting heroin and crack.”
At the age of 30 and four months into a pregnancy, Michelle gave birth to twin boys, who died.
The grief was overwhelming.
She said: “The minute I walked out of hospital, I scored heroin. And for the next four years, I used every single day. I was having a breakdown.”
Taking heroin no longer gave her a high, but it was the crutch Michelle needed to get through the day.
She added: “Before my eyes even opened, I thought of heroin.”
For a year, Michelle was mistress of the lie, able to keep house, cook family meals and function at work.
But she had an insatiable appetite for drugs.Before she left for work, she would go to the toilet and inject heroin into her groin, an area she could hide visible marks.
She worked nights and took drugs throughout her shift, injecting and topping up with stolen ampoules
of morphine.
Michelle had been in hospital with pelvic inflammatory disease, so if she appeared off kilter, she would blame it on strong painkillers.
She said: “No one would have believed I was a heroin addict.”
After two years, her boss pulled her in and accused her of stealing drugs. They also offered her help.
Michelle denied stealing but she was given no choice but to resign.
Her full focus was now on heroin and she began shoplifting to feed
her habit. At times, she was injecting 20 times a day.
She said: “I just couldn’t seem to stop. It was a terrible life.”Michelle hated what she had become and when she saw a TV programme about addiction, she sought help and eventually signed up to the Maxie Richards abstinence programme. She lasted only 24 hours.
Her husband was devastated. In desperation, he locked her in the house while he fetched her parents. They paid for her to go into
rehabilitation with Trust The Process in Luton, Bedfordshire.
She spent three months there but started using drugs on the day she came out and went back home to Fife.
Her husband and daughter could no longer tolerate her behaviour and Michelle returned to London.
She slept in a “smack den” in Camden until she felt so unsafe
that she took to sleeping in a bin shed.
At 32, her organs began to collapse, her tongue turned black and she was rushed to hospital. Her father offered her a last chance, paying for her to return to rehabilitation in Luton.That was eight years ago and Michelle hasn’t used drugs since. But it has been a tough road.
She said: “At first, my mental health was shattered. Even clean, I was broken.
“I had to learn who I really was, from what I liked to wear to what I wanted to eat.
“But this time I wanted it. I was dying and wouldn’t have survived if I carried on using.”
It took two years to feel whole again.
Michelle recently completed her masters and has returned to nursing. She also has a happy new relationship.
She said: “My parents were so proud at my graduation. The sense of achievement was incredible. It was a mark of how much my life had progressed.”
Michelle took part in the Favor film because she wanted to convey the message that no matter how far the fall, it is possible to get back up again.
She plans to open her own recovery centre to help fill a gap in desperately needed rehabilitation facilities.
Michelle said: “My recovery started with watching a TV programme. I hope this film is the catalyst for change for someone else.
“I now have an amazing life. I went from a broken person to someone who now believes she is capable of anything.”
Article Resources:http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/
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